I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
