if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
