you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
