1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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