Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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