tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
