Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
