These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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