Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
