onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
