I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
