Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
