No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
