im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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