youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
