Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
