We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
