Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
