sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
