Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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