Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
