it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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