clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
