my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
