I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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