I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
