So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
