I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
