she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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