i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
