She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
