Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
