If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
