Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
