YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
