I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
