I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
