you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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