I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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