You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
