I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
