Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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