Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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