How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
