The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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