Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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