Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
