it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
