it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
