It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
