we have pet lesbian snakes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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